My New Venture

Things that happened with Jacob today:

1. Jacob was super tired after playing in the nursery during church this morning but Grandma Genny cheered him up with some special treats!

2. Jacob got to go to the Hirons' house today for the superbowl party and spent time with Sharon's grandkids playing on the stairs or just running around. I think he had fun and was definitely tired by the time we were headed home...

3. When we got home, Jacob and I laid on the couch together just "vegging" out... We were both SUPER tired...

How I felt physically:

I still have this stupid cough that is really annoying and getting nothing accomplished. My voice is doing better after having lost it earlier this week, but it still gets scratchy every now and then. My head, however, was a different story. It feels like it's exploding. I woke up with a headache this morning, and it has lingered all day. I'm not sure if my pillow has something to do with it or not. I took my muscle relaxer and tried the new migraine medication that the dr gave me but neither helped much so I ended up taking a V before the service started. It didn't seem to help much, but hopefully given the chance it will work wonders. I also felt tired today. Sunday is the early day and it doesn't help when you don't get a full night's sleep or quality sleep in the night before.

How I felt about myself:

Lately I haven't been feeling spectacular about my body. I've been working on losing weight, but somehow I can't seem to really focus on it. I find myself sabotaging the healthy food by eating "not so healthy things" and then hoping that it won't make a difference. I probably could have lost more weight if I'd been able to stay away from some of those things, but I'm having trouble letting them go. Not feeling spectacular about myself makes me self conscious when it comes to kanoodling and it's affected our intimacy. I'm hoping that with time, I can work on that as well. I think I need to realize that my body didn't get this way over night and it won't miraculously change overnight either. It takes time and EFFORT to get results. I hope Joe can be patient with me.

How I felt about being pregnant (or things I noticed):

I think I'm starting to show more. The shirt I wore today was fairly loose, but when I pulled it snug over my middle, there was a definite bump there and not just tummy bulge either... like baby bump... It's only a matter of time before I start to really show and Joe starts calling it my THIRD... (not second as I previously posted) boob again. I haven't really experienced any morning sickness lately (other than being queasy every once in a while which hasn't really happened lately), but I think the headaches are worse because of it. I'll be glad when they clear up or we can find a solution to the pain.

Frustrations:

1. Having to get up at 5:45 in the morning

2. Coming back to the house at 9:15 and D&M not being ready when they asked for a ride and I made a special trip back to the house to pick them up

3. Some glitches happened with the media and my regular guy wasn't there to run the system, so it caused a bit of a ruckus. I swear the song was there during rehearsal. Somehow it got deleted.

4. I didn't have much time for a nap this afternoon and what time I had was interrupted because the cat kept scratching on the door and Jacob kept crying. He fell asleep on the way home and Joe put him in his bed and then when he woke up, he was crying and Joe didn't hear him. I would have gotten up to get him, but the deal is that Joe watches him on Sunday while I try to sleep. I'm not sure how long he cried, but I was about ready to yell at Joe "don't you hear your son crying?" when Joe finally came and got him, Jacob was fine for a bit and then kept crying out in the family room. Joe couldn't figure out why he was crying and finally came and brought Jacob to me. So much for a nap. Jacob was hungry. I asked Joe if he gave him something to eat and he said "Jacob didn't ask for something to eat". It seemed logical that he would be hungry since he didn't eat much at church and then fell asleep before we had lunch at home.

5. Travis is now staying with us and today while we were at church, Dave & Michelle proceeded to tell Travis that he couldn't eat food from this cupboard or these shelves but that he could eat food from their shelves because there were these pink notes that said "please eat your own food"... This frustrated me because it is NOT their place to tell Travis what he can and cannot eat at our house, nor is the circumstances behind the reason why he is staying with us and the reason why they are staying with us. They have taken advantage of us time and time again and get $400 worth of rent for maybe $50 a month plus babysitting which they complained that we weren't paying them for. They get their own food stamps and have their own money for food and then proceed to eat ours without regard to the money that we spend to keep our house stocked with food, nor do they replace the things that they use. There is a contract that outlines these things that they have read and signed and they still proceed to disregard and disrespect our space and things.

Things that I noticed or happened that made me feel loved and appreciated:

1. Joe has been trying to tell me more that he loves me.

2. Joe despite wanting kanoodling last night was content to cuddle with me for a while before we kanoodled.

3. When we were at the Hirons', Joe put his arms around me and just kinda held me there as we were standing there in a room full of people. He doesn't often show affection in a room of people or on Sundays (because that is his work day). It felt kinda nice.

Hello???

I found I don't do well with keeping a blog or anything updated... It seems like I have good intentions and then I get busy with other things and then don't have (or take) the time to sit down to write. I really don't know that many people follow this anyway, so sometimes it seems pointless. 

I guess I am feeling bored right now. I have been at home all day with one sickly little boy. He seems to be feeling much better now, but he was running a temp of 103 this morning. It was a little disconcerting, but thankfully it came down and he is almost back to normal now. I'm not sure if he is working on teeth or if he just has a bad cold, but I feel like I can't really do much to help him out. And at times, his crying and whining drives me nuts. Since I've been home all day today, I have a bit of cabin fever. WAAAAH... 

Jacob is almost 10 months old... It's kinda a scary thought. 

Stephanie

What happened???

As I said in the last post... It's been a while since I last wrote! Anyway, Things have been a total madhouse around our place. I worked on finishing up school stuff and my parents were here to visit this last weekend. We had an early Christmas! It was somewhat stressful, but overall, I survived! Now I have to figure out what to get everyone else for Christmas. It seems like every year, I have these great ideas and work hard to get them accomplished and then when I look at them when the person opens the gift, I think... Oh... That wasn't as great as I thought it was going to be. It's rather frustrating. Oh well. At least I tried. It's the effort that counts right?

So how did you like the snow? I would have liked it better had I been able to stay home and just veg out, but I had agreed to take a guy from our church to Portland so he could go see his mom for 3 weeks. The plan had been for my mom, dad, and I to take this guy to the airport and then go and visit my aunt Vicki for a bit. Well... Our plans were foiled! Anyway, we were gone for 12 hours and on the road for most of that time. ARGH!

Anyway, Joe is ready to go, so I'd better run! More soon. Promise!

Stephanie

Frustrated

So I went to get my hair done today but wasn't able to do what I wanted because I had Jacob with me. I was more than a little frustrated. I understand their reason for not wanting a baby there, but at the same time, it wasn't as if I could just call someone and say "hey, can you watch jacob for me for a bit?" It's hard enough having to take Jacob with me everywhere, but it's even harder when I can't do the things that I want or need to do because I don't have anyone who will watch Jacob at the drop of a hat. I could understand more certain places not allowing the child because of the fear of them getting into things, but he isn't even crawling yet. He was sleeping and probably would have slept through the whole thing had they allowed me to stay for the appointment.

I guess it's just more frustrating because I don't really have someone that I can call and say "hey can you watch him while I go get my hair done". ARGH...

That's my rant for today... Stupid people...

Time flies

Holy Cow... It's almost been a month since I've written. Things have been SO busy.

Jacob and I took a trip to Colo to visit my family. It was a lot of fun and really nice to see a bunch of people I haven't seen for a while, but the trip was SUPER short. Jacob did really well on the plane ride going and coming, which was really nice. It was just a hastle to get through airport security... We made it though.

This last week, I worked really hard to help plan and throw a harvest party. It was a ton of work, but it went really well... We handed out 83 starter sacks of candy mostly to kids, but some adults too and then we had other adults who didn't take bags, so I think we had around 100 people. We had food, games, candy, prizes, face painting and pony rides!

Anyway, I need to get back to working on my stuff...

More soon.

Stephanie

Marquez Madness - an introduction

It's hard to know exactly where to start when the beginning of what seems like a new dimension in our lives is in the middle of another seemingly endless dimension. These changes, although at times rather frustrating, is almost like water running through your fingers. It's hard to stop or keep holding onto. Despite how hard we hold our fingers together, somehow the water seems to find its way through. Catching you all up to date would be almost impossible and would take forever and a day because there is so much to tell and so little time in which to tell it. The task itself seems at times, overwhelming. So we'll start with today - this moment -a brief glimpse at the already hectic world that swirls around me. The books on my desk and the child in my lap, the responsibilities I hold and the places I'm constantly moving toward. Dates, times, pictures, memories, a connection to the outside world - all of these draw a picture of what my life is like most of the time - constantly on the move. Although at times overwhelming and tiring, it's my life as it is.

Jacob is 11 weeks old as of yesterday (he'll be 3 months old on the 24th). It's hard to imagine that he's been here this long, but at the same time, it seems like this is no longer "new" for us. He's constantly changing and doing new things. It's fun to watch him grow, but at times a little overwhelming. He's off the charts with his height and weight. He's a big baby. I started putting him in 3-6 month clothes the other day and am now realizing that his 3 month overalls are too short. Now I'm looking at the clothes I have for 6 months and realizing that we really don't have a whole lot. Hopefully when Jacob and I travel to Colorado next weekend we'll get some of the clothes that we are in need of as my parent's church is giving us a baby shower. I think it's just another excuse to get me to come back to Colorado so all the little old ladies in the church can hold him and get their "baby fix". Although now that I think about it, I really don't mind all that much. It'll be nice to see all of them again and get to spend a little bit of time with my parents (and hopefully my sister and her kids).

Much of my time is spent taking care of Jacob, not that I mind taking care of him. I consider it a priviledge. It just takes a lot of time and requires me to be a bit more flexible in what I am doing so I can attend to his needs. Joe helps out a lot, but he's new at this and so I find I am helping him take care of Jacob too. He'll learn. It'll just take some time. Because I am around Jacob so much, he tends to be a big part of the conversations that I have with people. "Look, Sharon (or whoever I am talking to), we're wearing shoes today" In some ways it's nice to have a conversation buffer cause I sometimes find it difficult to continue a whole conversation on just me.

This week, I've been working on my 410 (senior thesis) for school. I'm trying to get a good rough draft finished so that I can get some direction and at least have something to work with instead of reading books and saying... "how will that fit in with my general premise?" My theme is identity and how in order to gain a new identity, you must first lose your old one. It's paradoxical, I know, but that's the point. There's no real answer as to how this is supposed to happen, it's a dilemma of the human condition. I'm having to process through things and at times it's overwhelming and I'm not totally sure where to start, so I may end up doing some general venting or process writing to get my ideas out and then organize them when I am finished (or at least have a good chunk of stuff written).

Anyway, I've spent too much time on here already. It's back to the grind. More to come soon.

Stephanie