Marquez Madness - an introduction

It's hard to know exactly where to start when the beginning of what seems like a new dimension in our lives is in the middle of another seemingly endless dimension. These changes, although at times rather frustrating, is almost like water running through your fingers. It's hard to stop or keep holding onto. Despite how hard we hold our fingers together, somehow the water seems to find its way through. Catching you all up to date would be almost impossible and would take forever and a day because there is so much to tell and so little time in which to tell it. The task itself seems at times, overwhelming. So we'll start with today - this moment -a brief glimpse at the already hectic world that swirls around me. The books on my desk and the child in my lap, the responsibilities I hold and the places I'm constantly moving toward. Dates, times, pictures, memories, a connection to the outside world - all of these draw a picture of what my life is like most of the time - constantly on the move. Although at times overwhelming and tiring, it's my life as it is.

Jacob is 11 weeks old as of yesterday (he'll be 3 months old on the 24th). It's hard to imagine that he's been here this long, but at the same time, it seems like this is no longer "new" for us. He's constantly changing and doing new things. It's fun to watch him grow, but at times a little overwhelming. He's off the charts with his height and weight. He's a big baby. I started putting him in 3-6 month clothes the other day and am now realizing that his 3 month overalls are too short. Now I'm looking at the clothes I have for 6 months and realizing that we really don't have a whole lot. Hopefully when Jacob and I travel to Colorado next weekend we'll get some of the clothes that we are in need of as my parent's church is giving us a baby shower. I think it's just another excuse to get me to come back to Colorado so all the little old ladies in the church can hold him and get their "baby fix". Although now that I think about it, I really don't mind all that much. It'll be nice to see all of them again and get to spend a little bit of time with my parents (and hopefully my sister and her kids).

Much of my time is spent taking care of Jacob, not that I mind taking care of him. I consider it a priviledge. It just takes a lot of time and requires me to be a bit more flexible in what I am doing so I can attend to his needs. Joe helps out a lot, but he's new at this and so I find I am helping him take care of Jacob too. He'll learn. It'll just take some time. Because I am around Jacob so much, he tends to be a big part of the conversations that I have with people. "Look, Sharon (or whoever I am talking to), we're wearing shoes today" In some ways it's nice to have a conversation buffer cause I sometimes find it difficult to continue a whole conversation on just me.

This week, I've been working on my 410 (senior thesis) for school. I'm trying to get a good rough draft finished so that I can get some direction and at least have something to work with instead of reading books and saying... "how will that fit in with my general premise?" My theme is identity and how in order to gain a new identity, you must first lose your old one. It's paradoxical, I know, but that's the point. There's no real answer as to how this is supposed to happen, it's a dilemma of the human condition. I'm having to process through things and at times it's overwhelming and I'm not totally sure where to start, so I may end up doing some general venting or process writing to get my ideas out and then organize them when I am finished (or at least have a good chunk of stuff written).

Anyway, I've spent too much time on here already. It's back to the grind. More to come soon.

Stephanie